Monday, October 23, 2006


Halloween is pretty much the awesomest holiday of the year. I mean, it's an entire day to celebrate candy and monsters, and that's it. That's 100% rock & roll. We don't even attempt to justify it by saying we're celebrating the time Jesus defeated Dracula with a pillowcase full of candy corn and those disgusting chewy molasses toffee things that people give out just to spite kids because nobody likes those awful things. Nope, we just celebrate candy and monsters because those things totally kick ass.

For someone who loves Halloween as much as I do, I don't do much to celebrate it. I'll occasionally go to a local haunted house, and I'll buy a bag or two of candy and gorge myself on Tootsie Rolls and Popeye cigarettes (I know, they're candy sticks now, but I still pretend I'm smoking when I eat them) all month, but otherwise, I tend to just bask in the eery glow of the season. I think I'm still bitter I got too tall to trick or treat.

This year's not gonna be much different. I work in the city, but live in a rural area about an hour outside of it, so getting together with friends outside of work can be tricky. Without anyone to celebrate the day with, your options are pretty limited. But I've decided this year to play a bigger part in the Grand Halloween Spirit Economy. I've spent the greater part of my life reaping the benefits of this economy, undoubtedly consuming my body weight in candy many times over at the expense of strangers within walking distance of my house, but this Halloween I'm going to give back. This year, I'm going to be at home, giving out candy. But I'm not just going to give out candy, I'm going to be the guy who gives those costumed buggers candy by the handfuls. When kids pass each other on the street, they will point out my house as the place to trick or treat. They'll leave my house with candy of all shapes, sizes, and flavours, and not a single disgusting chewy molasses toffee thing.

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